It’s a painful realisation when it comes, but the truth is that with one noticeable exception the world consists of other people! It is so easy to be so preoccupied with ourselves that we forget this simple, but important truth. It is human nature to automatically assume the way I see something is the way it is, rather than there may be at least one other perspective. Getting married often brings that truth home!
So how do you come across? How do others see you? What kind of example do you set? That picture you present to the world is what will govern your leadership and influence. Just having good intentions is not enough.
The pictures below are more illustrative of paradigms and paradigm shifts (for more on that see here), but they also illustrate the issue of differing perspectives. We look at ourselves one way and others can see us in a completely different way.
So how do you come across? How do others see you? What kind of example do you set?
These are the kinds of questions that come from John Maxwell’s 13th law of leadership – people do what people see. Another way to put that is, “I can’t hear what you are saying, because who you are is speaking too loudly.” What we say is on audio, but who we are is on video. In organisations and companies when there is an obvious disconnect between what is publicly espoused and what is actually lived out, there is the potential for cynicism and disillusionment. The greatest leaders are aware of this and ruthless with themselves and their organisation to ensure that gap is as small as possible.
The story is told of a woman coming with her husband to Mahatma Gandhi, saying “Tell my husband to give up sugar as it is not good for his health.” Gandhi is reported as replying, “Come back to me in a week.” The couple duly returned a week later and Gandhi said, to the man, “You must give up sugar, It is not good for you.” They were somewhat puzzled and asked, “Why did you take a week to tell us that?” Gandhi is reported to have candidly replied, “I stopped taking sugar a week ago myself!”
Here are 4 implications of the The Law of The Picture that people do what people see:
- The way we live sends a message out to others.
Is it the message I want them to hear? The truth is consciously or unconsciously people are always watching to see if there is congruity between what we say and what we actually do. Companies and organisations proudly have vision and mission statements displayed on walls for all to see. But the most important thing is what happens behind closed doors when no else is watching.
- It’s easier to teach what is right, than do what is right.
Ouch! That is painful to hear, especially when you are writing a blog post aiming to teach others important principles on life! In many ways words are cheap, but it is how we live that counts.
- We should work on changing ourselves, before trying to improve others.
That is why the example of Gandhi is so powerful. The other important truth is that the one person in the universe who I have the most amount of control over is myself.
- The most valuable gift you can give to others is to be a good example.
Others are not so much looking for perfection as an authenticity to who we are as people. When my life and my words do not match up (which sooner or later they will do), am I willing to be honest about the gap or do I deflect by looking at the other person’s failings? (For more on this see How Do I Deal With My Ego?)
What thoughts, questions and comments does The Law of The Picture raise for you?
Dr Sunil Raheja
Many seasoned leaders realize they've lost their direction in life. Through my coaching program, leaders are equipped with a personalized plan for meaningful purpose and better days ahead.
Thanks – raises a question for me: what do you think about the persona-dominated world created by social networks? You hear of people addicted to posting the perfect image of their life on Facebook and the like compulsively, or of people taking posts down because nobody “like’d them”. Do you think these serve as amplifiers for our personas (and do we need that) or more a distortion of who we are – or is it all noise?
That is an interesting observation Chris. To me it seems that social networks do certainly amplify the tendency to self-absorption that we have. They create the illusion of community, and while on the one hand being useful to keep in touch with what we are doing in our lives, they cannot replace the importance of genuine relationship. That is what we crave – healthy relationships where we can be authentic and real with one another. If I am so absorbed with my , say Facebook status, then am I actually relating to the human beings around me with all their failings and imperfections?
The core values of the British Army are:
Loyalty.
Integrity.
Courage.
Discipline.
Respect for others.
Selfless commitment.
It can be hard to live each one on a daily basis, but at least the intention is there to aspire for them, but if we do live out these core values each day, we would be an excellent example to others.
Yes Karl
They are ideals to inspire us towards, but we need to be careful about not falling in the gap between where we are and where we want to be. For more on this do see Which Way Are You Looking? Part 1 and Part 2